I've recently found out some challenging news at work. A colleague of mine has been promoted ahead of me and is supposed to be assuming a little of the supervisory aspect from my boss. The way that I found out just seems hurtful and I am hurt. I don't care if it's unreasonable, that is the way I feel. I need to get over it. There is a back-stabbing aspect to the whole thing that upsets me though. I am not and have never been a tattle-tale. It's not my style. And unfortunately for my career, I am not really one for all the political bullshit, either. My colleague is great at it. She has said the most appalling things to me about my boss, insulting, derogatory and rude things, but then will turn around and be best friends with her. That is something I just can't do, I'm not built to be fake like that. I usually can't hold a grudge. I tend to forgive and forget, even when it's better for me not to forget. But this time, I can't seem to shake it. Every time my colleague says something to me, makes a joke, acts like we're all buddy-buddy, I just keep thinking in my head "bitch". She does a good job at pretending to be friendly and "on" all the time and now I'm more aware that it is an act. So I also feel betrayed on a personal level. How can I trust that some of the things that I have said in confidence to her will remain in confidence now that I know she has been going to my boss and saying negative things about me? I feel really conflicted. Yesterday, my immediate response was "fuck this job, I will go somewhere else". I know that is knee-jerk and defensive but still. It is an option. I just can't pretend all the time.
Ok, shake off the funk.
Time to sparkle.
Krista
Thursday 1 September 2011
Tuesday 30 August 2011
Feeling Guilty
So I posted my last entry and went and looked at the Blog. I reread my last couple of posts and now I feel really bad about the bitter post I wrote. Putting out negative energy only makes you feel worse so for the rest of the day I am on a "positive outcomes only" trip. Plus, I just remembered that I need to pick up juiceboxes for Hubby's lunch tomorrow. So Yay for Remembering Stuff! Also, I lost my phone yesterday and I called the scholl where I was working yesterday and it's there! So YAY for Finding Lost Stuff!
Krista
P/S: I think I like Capitalizing Random Things!! Feeling better ;)
Krista
P/S: I think I like Capitalizing Random Things!! Feeling better ;)
Worst Blogger Award Goes To...
Me! I am not so good about doing things on a regular schedule. Hence, why I always have a mountain of laundry that builds up and a to do list a mile long.
In recent news, I went out for snacks and girl time last night and had a really good time. That is, until I walked in my door at 9:30 and got the lecture from my husband about how I always put him last. I don't really think that's true. I rarely see my friends or go out and do fun things without him. For some reason, he thinks going to work should count as my social time and all other time should be spent with him or doing things for him. Actually, honey, when I'm at work, I'm working not having fun. Not that I don't enjoy my job but it is just that: a job. Show me a woman who is satisfied only taking care of her house and her husband and I will show you a timebomb on the verge of explosion. I don't know if it is my generations inherent selfishness or just a personal lack of motivation but I really hate cleaning. I don't mind if things are messy. Dirty and gross, however is a different story. But if he hates the mess, why doesn't he pick it up??
Well, that's enough ranting for today. I initially started this blog to be able to celebrate all those small moments that make life worth living, even when you are bogged down in deadlines and a mountain of laundry. Hmm, today's glimmer of sparkle is.... I don't know, I'm having a tough time thinking of one. The weather is miserable, I feel like my pants are too tight (even though I lost another 1.2 lbs at my weightwatchers meeting yesterday), I'm still not pregnant and I'm stuck at work feeling unfulfilled and bitter....
Ok, how about this upcoming weekend is a long one? I can hold onto that dream for the rest of the week. Oh and payday is tomorrow! Always something to be grateful for, right?
Until next time, my friends!
Krista
In recent news, I went out for snacks and girl time last night and had a really good time. That is, until I walked in my door at 9:30 and got the lecture from my husband about how I always put him last. I don't really think that's true. I rarely see my friends or go out and do fun things without him. For some reason, he thinks going to work should count as my social time and all other time should be spent with him or doing things for him. Actually, honey, when I'm at work, I'm working not having fun. Not that I don't enjoy my job but it is just that: a job. Show me a woman who is satisfied only taking care of her house and her husband and I will show you a timebomb on the verge of explosion. I don't know if it is my generations inherent selfishness or just a personal lack of motivation but I really hate cleaning. I don't mind if things are messy. Dirty and gross, however is a different story. But if he hates the mess, why doesn't he pick it up??
Well, that's enough ranting for today. I initially started this blog to be able to celebrate all those small moments that make life worth living, even when you are bogged down in deadlines and a mountain of laundry. Hmm, today's glimmer of sparkle is.... I don't know, I'm having a tough time thinking of one. The weather is miserable, I feel like my pants are too tight (even though I lost another 1.2 lbs at my weightwatchers meeting yesterday), I'm still not pregnant and I'm stuck at work feeling unfulfilled and bitter....
Ok, how about this upcoming weekend is a long one? I can hold onto that dream for the rest of the week. Oh and payday is tomorrow! Always something to be grateful for, right?
Until next time, my friends!
Krista
Tuesday 19 July 2011
I Can't Think of a Title and It is Stressing Me Out so This is the Anti Title
Today, I am feeling exhausted. I haven't slept very well due to all the thunderstorms. I tend to be nervous during storms and then I can't fall back asleep because I am thinking about what ifs. Like, what if the big tree gets hit by lightning and falls on my bedroom. What if our house burns down after being struck? I tend to be a catastrophic worrier but I am working on it. I find thinking positively to be much more relaxing and encouraging but it doesn't always come naturally.
In happy news, I weighed in at weight watchers last night and I am down 3.2 pounds!! Weee! I didn't even follow the diet 100%. Probably closer to 85% but that's still a big improvement for me. I have always been interested in health and fitness, general wellness actually I suppose. But I have never really been good at applying it to my real life. There is always something more urgent to do, exercising seems to always come last on my list of priorities, even healthy eating takes more time then just grabbing something and shoving it in your mouth. Despite the fact that I don't really believe what I am about to tell you, this is what I am working toward.
I DESERVE to be healthy and happy. I am WORTH more than I demonstrate through my actions. I am loved by others and I am loved by myself.
These are things that are hard for me to say and even harder to believe. I am trying to recapture the idea that I am made in the image of God and my life is a miracle regardless of how I act or what I accomplish or what I look like even. I am loved and I wouldn't treat others that I love the way I treat myself. So slowly, I am working on this, too.
I joined weight watchers because I need that feeling of accountability and I guess this is another form of that. I am going to put what I think and feel out there and maybe someone will appreciate my honesty or maybe it will be just for me. Either way, there is still value in that.
Ok. Moving on, today is zumba day so I'm excited for that! Hoping for a good evening once I get home and take a cool shower!
Cheers!
Krista
In happy news, I weighed in at weight watchers last night and I am down 3.2 pounds!! Weee! I didn't even follow the diet 100%. Probably closer to 85% but that's still a big improvement for me. I have always been interested in health and fitness, general wellness actually I suppose. But I have never really been good at applying it to my real life. There is always something more urgent to do, exercising seems to always come last on my list of priorities, even healthy eating takes more time then just grabbing something and shoving it in your mouth. Despite the fact that I don't really believe what I am about to tell you, this is what I am working toward.
I DESERVE to be healthy and happy. I am WORTH more than I demonstrate through my actions. I am loved by others and I am loved by myself.
These are things that are hard for me to say and even harder to believe. I am trying to recapture the idea that I am made in the image of God and my life is a miracle regardless of how I act or what I accomplish or what I look like even. I am loved and I wouldn't treat others that I love the way I treat myself. So slowly, I am working on this, too.
I joined weight watchers because I need that feeling of accountability and I guess this is another form of that. I am going to put what I think and feel out there and maybe someone will appreciate my honesty or maybe it will be just for me. Either way, there is still value in that.
Ok. Moving on, today is zumba day so I'm excited for that! Hoping for a good evening once I get home and take a cool shower!
Cheers!
Krista
Wednesday 13 July 2011
Sparkle Day
Right now, I am teaching summer school phys ed and CALM. I am sitting with my students absolutely exhausted. We did Zumba AND Mixed Martial Arts this morning and I am so tired. I have recently started WeightWatchers (on Monday!) and it has been tough. I don't have a lot to lose and I haven't really ever dieted before. I have often said that I was on a diet but never actually followed through. So this is different for me.
Here is how I am sparkling today!
Healthy Lunch- Extreme Pita
Exercise- Zumba and Martial Arts
Relationships- Bonding with my students
All in all, I am doing pretty well. My goal for this first week on WeightWatchers is to write down everything I eat but not make any changes until I get a handle on journalling. I have tried to journal before and never stuck with it for more than 24 hours. I am going to try and blog about my journey every day. We'll see how it goes.
While I'm here, I might as well be vulnerable. I am scared that by facing my weight issues and dealing with them, I will have to face myself. I have been rereading Geneen Roth's "Women, Food and God" and I need to deal with why I overeat or this will be a teeter-totter for the rest of my life. I don't want to spend as much time and energy obsessing about myself as I currently do. It's not good for my soul and I want to put my energy into making the world a better place. Right now, I am not contributing as much as I would like to.
Well, that's it for now! Peace Out!
Here is how I am sparkling today!
Healthy Lunch- Extreme Pita
Exercise- Zumba and Martial Arts
Relationships- Bonding with my students
All in all, I am doing pretty well. My goal for this first week on WeightWatchers is to write down everything I eat but not make any changes until I get a handle on journalling. I have tried to journal before and never stuck with it for more than 24 hours. I am going to try and blog about my journey every day. We'll see how it goes.
While I'm here, I might as well be vulnerable. I am scared that by facing my weight issues and dealing with them, I will have to face myself. I have been rereading Geneen Roth's "Women, Food and God" and I need to deal with why I overeat or this will be a teeter-totter for the rest of my life. I don't want to spend as much time and energy obsessing about myself as I currently do. It's not good for my soul and I want to put my energy into making the world a better place. Right now, I am not contributing as much as I would like to.
Well, that's it for now! Peace Out!
Tuesday 12 July 2011
A Line in The Ocean
Hi Everybody,
This is my very first blog post. I feel like I am dropping a line into a very big ocean here. We'll see what I pull out! In the next couple of weeks, I would like to get my blog all set up and start posting. This is an attempt on my part to try and be present more in my own life. I feel like I talk about mindfulness to students all the time but I don't really walk the walk. So this is it.
My heart IS full of sparkles and it is up to me to notice it and maybe share it with others.
Talk soon,
Krista
This is my very first blog post. I feel like I am dropping a line into a very big ocean here. We'll see what I pull out! In the next couple of weeks, I would like to get my blog all set up and start posting. This is an attempt on my part to try and be present more in my own life. I feel like I talk about mindfulness to students all the time but I don't really walk the walk. So this is it.
My heart IS full of sparkles and it is up to me to notice it and maybe share it with others.
Talk soon,
Krista
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