Thursday, 1 September 2011

Finding the Positive

I've recently found out some challenging news at work.  A colleague of mine has been promoted ahead of me and is supposed to be assuming a little of the supervisory aspect from my boss.  The way that I found out just seems hurtful and I am hurt.  I don't care if it's unreasonable, that is the way I feel.  I need to get over it.  There is a back-stabbing aspect to the whole thing that upsets me though.  I am not and have never been a tattle-tale.  It's not my style.  And unfortunately for my career, I am not really one for all the political bullshit, either.  My colleague is great at it.  She has said the most appalling things to me about my boss, insulting, derogatory and rude things, but then will turn around and be best friends with her.  That is something I just can't do, I'm not built to be fake like that.  I usually can't hold a grudge.  I tend to forgive and forget, even when it's better for me not to forget.  But this time, I can't seem to shake it.  Every time my colleague says something to me, makes a joke, acts like we're all buddy-buddy, I just keep thinking in my head "bitch".  She does a good job at pretending to be friendly and "on" all the time and now I'm more aware that it is an act.  So I also feel betrayed on a personal level.  How can I trust that some of the things that I have said in confidence to her will remain in confidence now that I know she has been going to my boss and saying negative things about me?  I feel really conflicted.  Yesterday, my immediate response was "fuck this job, I will go somewhere else".  I know that is knee-jerk and defensive but still.  It is an option.  I just can't pretend all the time.
Ok, shake off the funk.
Time to sparkle.

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