Today, I am feeling exhausted. I haven't slept very well due to all the thunderstorms. I tend to be nervous during storms and then I can't fall back asleep because I am thinking about what ifs. Like, what if the big tree gets hit by lightning and falls on my bedroom. What if our house burns down after being struck? I tend to be a catastrophic worrier but I am working on it. I find thinking positively to be much more relaxing and encouraging but it doesn't always come naturally.
In happy news, I weighed in at weight watchers last night and I am down 3.2 pounds!! Weee! I didn't even follow the diet 100%. Probably closer to 85% but that's still a big improvement for me. I have always been interested in health and fitness, general wellness actually I suppose. But I have never really been good at applying it to my real life. There is always something more urgent to do, exercising seems to always come last on my list of priorities, even healthy eating takes more time then just grabbing something and shoving it in your mouth. Despite the fact that I don't really believe what I am about to tell you, this is what I am working toward.
I DESERVE to be healthy and happy. I am WORTH more than I demonstrate through my actions. I am loved by others and I am loved by myself.
These are things that are hard for me to say and even harder to believe. I am trying to recapture the idea that I am made in the image of God and my life is a miracle regardless of how I act or what I accomplish or what I look like even. I am loved and I wouldn't treat others that I love the way I treat myself. So slowly, I am working on this, too.
I joined weight watchers because I need that feeling of accountability and I guess this is another form of that. I am going to put what I think and feel out there and maybe someone will appreciate my honesty or maybe it will be just for me. Either way, there is still value in that.
Ok. Moving on, today is zumba day so I'm excited for that! Hoping for a good evening once I get home and take a cool shower!