Fun With My Little Man!

The last couple of days, I  have been trying to get a good photo of my little guy to use on the invitation to his first birthday party.  I can't wrap my head around the fact that he will be ONE in less than a month!  It is totally crazy.  T is such a go-getter, he wasn't very happy about sitting still for me.  He kept crawling off, giggling. 

We have a ton of stuff going on in the next little bit, including getting ready for T's birthday.  We are going to try to do some renovations this summer in the hope of making our house more comfortable/ready to put on the market in case an opportunity arises.  Unfortunately, this little guy is like a tornado and needs to have a close eye kept on him at all times (plus, he's really fun to play with!).

Perhaps all the time I spend on Pinterest will be useful!  I swear, it's like mommy crack.  :)

On the list to complete before the birthday party:
-finish decorating T's room (I know, I know, he is almost a year old!! It needs to get done!)
-complete the reno's to the laundry room (we replaced the flooring and basically stalled out.  The electrical needs to be done, the new sink installed, the drywall/painting finished)
-new flower beds around the deck
-work on the front curb appeal/landscaping
-fix the deck and backyard
-get the garden ready (planting depending on the weather)

If we can get there:
-stain the kitchen cabinets
-repaint the front door and side door
-paint the basement (this is such a huge job!! I don't know if this will get done before July since I probably need my mom or someone to be available to look after T while I do the work)

Ok, I feel as if writing this down makes me a little bit more accountable to get some of this done.

Cheers!
Krista

I'm Baaaaaccckkk!

For real, this time.  Well, I'm going to do my best.  I apparently am not very good at consistently writing (as evidenced by the lack of posts).  One thing that will make it easier from here on out is that I now have high speed internet at my home!  Yay!  That was a moment 5 years in the making.  When I was out of the house working, I didn't mind not having internet since I was on the computer quite a bit at work but once I started staying home...  Well, life with a baby and not a lot of outside interaction is tough, to say the least.

Where is my life at now, you ask?  Well, I gave a pretty big clue up above.  I had my baby last May.  He is almost a year old already!!  It blows my mind!  Things are pretty good.  I am still on mat leave (for a little while anyway) and have decided not to go back to my former work.  I had myself all psyched up to talk to my boss about possibly coming back part-time and she emailed me some passive-aggressive crap and I remembered how much I disliked her and how unhappy I was there.  So that's scrapped, which makes me feel very happy.  However, I feel a little concerned with finances.  My husby makes lots of money but it always seems like there isn't enough and I hate asking him for money to do things.  Actually, on my to-do list for today is to revamp my resume for a part-time position I am interested in.  I think getting out 2 days a week would be good for our whole family.  I have some adult interaction, I make a little money, Baby T gets some socialization, B isn't the sole provider.  All in all, a good deal.

Kisses,
Krista

 

Long Time, No Check In

Hi everybody (or just me since I mostly write this for me anyway and so far no one except me has ever checked it),
I have not written here in 5 months.   That's a long time and I'm sorry to be such a crappy blogger.  But I will now fill you in on all that has happened to me since then.
It's funny, I reread what I had written last summer before I started writing this post and there is so much that has changed and lots that is still the same.
Same:  my work life still sucks.  Well, that isn't entirely fair.  There are challenging aspects to my job.  Yes, that sounds much more encouraging.  Basically my problem is that my manager is a pretty poor manager and that leads to some tough situations.  I have come a long way in the last 5 months in sticking up for myself and doing what I think is right or needs to be done regardless of whether it rocks the boat.  Due to my biggest change since the summer, I no longer care as much about my job because I am on a countdown to being out the door.  That being said...
Different:  I am pregnant!!!  Right now, I am just about 26 weeks and we are expecting our bundle of joy to arrive in May.  It's funny, I had a long hard summer with all of my health issues as a result of losing a baby in June and when I wrote that bitter post in August about still not being pregnant and being frustrated, I actually was already pregnant and just didn't know it yet.
My experience with miscarriage has made me both more scared and concerned that I might otherwise have been and also so much more appreciative.  Being pregnant is not always easy and you don't always feel good, but I think to myself how grateful I am to be living my life every single day.  I guess, even though I haven't been writing here, I was still sparkling this last 5 months.
I am planning (fingers crossed) to write here more often.  I would like to use this as a forum to record how my pregnancy is going and then what my life with Baby will be like.  This is going to be such a huge change for my family that I think it will be fun to share the joys as well as the challenges.  I am a huge fan of blogs in being able to see into others lives and know that they are not that different from me and what I am experiencing.  
My house is still a mess, it still causes conflict with my husband, but we are happy knowing we are about to become parents.  I am a little concerned about how the baby is going to change our dynamic.  People keep saying how having a baby is so stressful and hard on a marriage.  I think B and I have a very solid marriage so I'm not worried about that but I am worried about losing the parts of our relationship that make us "Us" if you know what I mean.  There won't be long snuggle marathons, sci fi sessions on the couch or nachos for dinner anymore (well maybe we can keep the nachos!) or at least not as often.  I think the move to always considering someone else's needs over our own is going to be a culture shock.
Well, no point borrowing trouble before it comes.  Much better to count your blessings while you have them!

Have a sparkly weekend!

Finding the Positive

I've recently found out some challenging news at work.  A colleague of mine has been promoted ahead of me and is supposed to be assuming a little of the supervisory aspect from my boss.  The way that I found out just seems hurtful and I am hurt.  I don't care if it's unreasonable, that is the way I feel.  I need to get over it.  There is a back-stabbing aspect to the whole thing that upsets me though.  I am not and have never been a tattle-tale.  It's not my style.  And unfortunately for my career, I am not really one for all the political bullshit, either.  My colleague is great at it.  She has said the most appalling things to me about my boss, insulting, derogatory and rude things, but then will turn around and be best friends with her.  That is something I just can't do, I'm not built to be fake like that.  I usually can't hold a grudge.  I tend to forgive and forget, even when it's better for me not to forget.  But this time, I can't seem to shake it.  Every time my colleague says something to me, makes a joke, acts like we're all buddy-buddy, I just keep thinking in my head "bitch".  She does a good job at pretending to be friendly and "on" all the time and now I'm more aware that it is an act.  So I also feel betrayed on a personal level.  How can I trust that some of the things that I have said in confidence to her will remain in confidence now that I know she has been going to my boss and saying negative things about me?  I feel really conflicted.  Yesterday, my immediate response was "fuck this job, I will go somewhere else".  I know that is knee-jerk and defensive but still.  It is an option.  I just can't pretend all the time.
Ok, shake off the funk.
Time to sparkle.
Krista

Feeling Guilty

So I posted my last entry and went and looked at the Blog.  I reread my last couple of posts and now I feel really bad about the bitter post I wrote.  Putting out negative energy only makes you feel worse so for the rest of the day I am on a "positive outcomes only" trip.  Plus, I just remembered that I need to pick up juiceboxes for Hubby's lunch tomorrow.  So Yay for Remembering Stuff!  Also, I lost my phone yesterday and I called the scholl where I was working yesterday and it's there!  So YAY for Finding Lost Stuff!  
Krista
P/S:  I think I like Capitalizing Random Things!!  Feeling better ;)

Worst Blogger Award Goes To...

Me!  I am not so good about doing things on a regular schedule.  Hence, why I always have a mountain of laundry that builds up and a to do list a mile long. 
In recent news, I went out for snacks and girl time last night and had a really good time.  That is, until I walked in my door at 9:30 and got the lecture from my husband about how I always put him last.  I don't really think that's true.  I rarely see my friends or go out and do fun things without him.  For some reason, he thinks going to work should count as my social time and all other time should be spent with him or doing things for him.  Actually, honey, when I'm at work, I'm working not having fun.  Not that I don't enjoy my job but it is just that:  a job.  Show me a woman who is satisfied only taking care of her house and her husband and I will show you a timebomb on the verge of explosion.  I don't know if it is my generations inherent selfishness or just a personal lack of motivation but I really hate cleaning.  I don't mind if things are messy.  Dirty and gross, however is a different story.  But if he hates the mess, why doesn't he pick it up?? 
Well, that's enough ranting for today.  I initially started this blog to be able to celebrate all those small moments that make life worth living, even when you are bogged down in deadlines and a mountain of laundry.  Hmm, today's glimmer of sparkle is....  I don't know, I'm having a tough time thinking of one.  The weather is miserable, I feel like my pants are too tight (even though I lost another 1.2 lbs at my weightwatchers meeting yesterday), I'm still not pregnant and I'm stuck at work feeling unfulfilled and bitter....
Ok, how about this upcoming weekend is a long one?  I can hold onto that dream for the rest of the week.  Oh and payday is tomorrow!  Always something to be grateful for, right?
Until next time, my friends!
Krista

I Can't Think of a Title and It is Stressing Me Out so This is the Anti Title

Today, I am feeling exhausted.  I haven't slept very well due to all the thunderstorms.  I tend to be nervous during storms and then I can't fall back asleep because I am thinking about what ifs.  Like, what if the big tree gets hit by lightning and falls on my bedroom.  What if our house burns down after being struck?  I tend to be a catastrophic worrier but I am working on it.  I find thinking positively to be much more relaxing and encouraging but it doesn't always come naturally.

In happy news, I weighed in at weight watchers last night and I am down 3.2 pounds!!  Weee!  I didn't even follow the diet 100%.  Probably closer to 85% but that's still a big improvement for me.  I have always been interested in health and fitness, general wellness actually I suppose.  But I have never really been good at applying it to my real life.  There is always something more urgent to do, exercising seems to always come last on my list of priorities, even healthy eating takes more time then just grabbing something and shoving it in your mouth.  Despite the fact that I don't really believe what I am about to tell you, this is what I am working toward.

I DESERVE to be healthy and happy.  I am WORTH more than I demonstrate through my actions.  I am loved by others and I am loved by myself.

These are things that are hard for me to say and even harder to believe.  I am trying to recapture the idea that I am made in the image of God and my life is a miracle regardless of how I act or what I accomplish or what I look like even.  I am loved and I wouldn't treat others that I love the way I treat myself.  So slowly, I am working on this, too.

I joined weight watchers because I need that feeling of accountability and I guess this is another form of that.  I am going to put what I think and feel out there and maybe someone will appreciate my honesty or maybe it will be just for me.  Either way, there is still value in that.

Ok.  Moving on, today is zumba day so I'm excited for that!  Hoping for a good evening once I get home and take a cool shower!

Cheers!
Krista